Reflections

So, this family are leaving my church because we have a new vicar coming, she is female, and the family do not agree with women vicars.

What I find strange/amusing/intriguing about this particular issue is this;

The mother in this family was the driving force behind prayer meetings during the selection process to ensure that the right person was appointed. So... I wonder how she is feeling? what she is thinking? Does she believe God answered these prayers? Does she believe that the right person has been appointed?

Hmm....

Life is like...

... a rollercoaster - it goes up and down, takes unexpected turns and you never really know where you're going to end up



... a box of chocolates - you never know what you're going to get



... a pressure cooker - pressure builds up and up and up until it explodes

Do you love me?

So today's devotions... Jesus asks 'Do you love me?'

We unpacked the passage a little - first Jesus asks Peter 'do you agape me?' (the biggest love there is), Peter responds 'yes I philio you'. (friendship). The second time, Jesus asks 'do you agape me?' Peter responds 'I philio you'. The third time Jesus asks 'do you philio me?' and Peter responds 'I philio you'.

Again, I feel me answer somewhat similar to yesterday's.... deep in my heart right now, I'd probably say no. I certainly don't agape Jesus... and I'm not even sure I philio him....

Who do you say I am?

So, college devotions this week are about questions Jesus would ask us. Today we looked at Jesus asking the disciples who people say he is. And we were left with the challenge of what we would respond if Jesus asked us 'Who do you say I am?'

Who do I say Jesus is?... I think my head and my heart would say 2 different things.

My head would probably spout of what 'I know', what I've been brought up to believe. And that is; Jesus is the son of God, the Messiah, the Saviour of the world, the reason I am here, a kind, caring, loving, forgiving, generous, healing person.

But what would my heart say? Does my heart really believe those things? Could I honestly, truly, deeply say any of those things and mean them? I'm not sure.

I think if I were to try and put something together of who I believe Jesus to be, right now, I would say; a guy who was written about in the Bible, who did good and amazing things to many people, and who now does similar to some people sometimes.

Doesn't bode well for a 'Christian children's worker' does it?

So why the doubt, why the uncertainty? Hmmmmm...

I'm not a teacher!

Work really bugs me sometimes...

It's over a year ago I changed jobs in my current organisation and don't get me wrong, I love my 'new' post, it's varied, it's based around projects and there's lots more to do. But it does frustrate me...

Mostly because of my abilities... I don't really have a job description because the council were reviewing job descriptions when I changed roles, and so I didn't get one confirmed. My role was partly based on my predesessor's job, but also added new dimensions according to my skills and combined some of my previous duties as well.

Part of what we do as a music and arts service is wider opportunities teaching, a government initiative. This is something that I've been involved in for about 2 and a half years. Probably about 2 years ago I attended a development day at work about wider opps and a possible course with Trinity/OU. I asked about doing the course and was told 'you're not a teacher, so not now'.

Just over 2 years ago our 'endangered species' programme finished for the academic year... I asked if I could keep on the oboe pupil, but was told 'you're not the real oboe teacher, you do endangered because you're here anyway.'

At the beginning of this academic year I was told I would be teaching the new 2 continuers from endangered species. If I'm honest, one I was really up for teaching and the other one I really didn't want to teach. So I questioned why and was told 'well it's most convenient for you to do it because X can only come on saturday mornings and you might as well teach Y then too.'

Last academic year I was asked to fill in at a school and actually properly teach clarinet/sax through wider opps, I play neither, but I agreed and I've nearly been doing that 2 years now.

About a month back we ran a holiday course for 2 days, with approx 150 children in attendance. I ended up spending much of the second day providing one to one support for a boy who has autism. A few weeks ago a course came up based on working with autistic children in out of school settings. I asked if I could go and received the reply 'this is not an area that is directly relevant to your work'. When my line manager later questioned this response, she was met with 'Becca can go to it in her own time if she wants, but not in work time because she is not a teacher.'

And I get angered... I know I am not a teacher per say, my main role is admin work, but within that I do teaching; I do 3.25 hours at Wind & Percussion Centre on Tuesday nights, I do 3.25 hours at Orchestral Centre on Friday nights, I do 1 hour wider opps on Friday mornings and I do 4 hours at Young Musicians on Saturday mornings which includes 50mins of one to one oboe teaching.... Now tell me I'm not a teacher.

It makes me so irritated; when it suits them, I teach; oboe, endangered, wider opps, holiday course etc, but whenever I want to develop or show an interest, I get told I'm not a teacher.

Grrrrrrr!!!